Student Support Services
March 24, 2026 – Edition 4
Self Talk
We all have active internal thoughts that we say to ourselves, often referred to as self-talk.
Children and adolescents also experience this, and it can be a useful tool in learning to regulate their emotions, clarify their goals and manage stress. Learning to turn our self-talk into a positive experience is not always easy, particularly if we have a habit of using negative self-talk, but with a bit of practice and guidance, it can be a powerful tool.
You may have had the experience of asking your young person, ‘How did you go in your test/SAC?’ The answer may be, ‘Bad’, or ‘I think I could have done better’, or even ‘I am terrible at this subject’. This may reflect their self-talk, rather than being an accurate reflection of their achievement.
If this is a common response from your child, rather than a once-off, it may be worth asking them, ‘Why do you think this?’ You can then guide them through reality-testing their self-talk. How have they gone in the past in this subject? Did they prepare as much as possible under the circumstances?
We can use evidence to help them reframe their thinking so their self-talk becomes, ‘I usually do OK/well in this subject, and I prepared as much as I could and did as well as I could.’ Or, ‘My grade is a reflection of my preparation rather than a reflection of my ability.’
Verbalising or writing our thoughts can allow us to clarify our thinking and challenge our self-talk. When we verbalise or write our thoughts, we have to concentrate on how we will express our ideas, increasing the chance that we will remember what we were thinking. This is one of the reasons counselling can be so effective, as students verbalise their thinking and can find ways to reframe their self-talk.
This article includes some ideas for using our self-talk in a way that leads to motivation and clarity in our thinking.
Sarah Quin, Mandy Barr and Joanne Devota-Rando
Counsellors
